A Glimmer of Hope

I had planned to work this evening on sewing projects but got sidetracked after I set up my area to work! I needed to do a little research before making any sewing decisions, so I headed off to root through my pictures for documentation. Root is not really the correct word because since all my photos are digital it's more like scrolling!

An hour and a half later I find myself still on the computer! But, I might as well just do my inspirational research for life now and not bother with the sewing anymore tonight!

After talking with my friend Katie today about life and sewing I have become really inspired. I had such a passion for everything last year, dispite the busy lifestyle I had at school. But now, having more free time on my hands than I have in several years, I have felt less inspired than I have in a long time. It's my job. Really, it is. It's disappointment mainly. It's no one else's fault, just my own maybe for not searching harder for a job I would have loved. It's nice to be around people who sew, but we don't talk to eachother very often...not really, for people who work less than a few yards away from eachother all day long. There is just silence. And it bores me. It's not what I wanted out of a job at all...in fact, in so many ways it's the opposite of what I wanted. I prayed for a job that I could use my mind for, my talents, and the education that I was so thankful to recieve. I craved the excitement of theatre. And I hoped to work with others who were passionate about what they do and talented at what they do. And I do work with talented people, but so often they're not enthusiastic about what they do. And I'm not enthusiastic about what I do. And that's not the type of person that I want to be.

Katie is sort of in a similar predicament, but seeing her excitement for the future and sharing mutual desires to work at something that we can feel ownership of - like having our own business, is very uplifting. I still feel sort of down...not really depressed. I was at first. For awhile after I got my job. But I worked through it. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what became of my dreams though and all of my excitment. It's as if it got knocked right out of me as if the wind had been knocked out of me...but it just hasn't returned. I guess I just feel empty and emotionless. It's a strange feeling. I still believe in dreams and hopes...I just don't seem to believe in them happening right now. Heh. Sort of sad.

So, Katie showed me some of her neat bags that she's been sewing, and also some great books that she purchased on sewing. And then tonight, I found this great blog that was so inspiring! This girl owns her own online shop, and she makes really amazing little crafts to sell in it. Not that I wish that I could make crafts to sell, but I would love to own my own business! Something all my own. The first law that I would creat would be the lots of inspiration law. It would state that music, picasa slideshows, and costume flicks were to be on at all times...not all at the same time though. During college I would always listen to music, a movie, or have a picasa slideshow of my favorite and most inspiring images playing while I worked...it varied depending on what sort of project I was working on. But I thrive on things like that. At work there is a no music law unless it's Friday. I call it the joyful day because, in my opinion, it's the only day that I can know for sure will be joyful. Silence is boring! My mind seems to concentrate better on a project when there is something else going on in the room...otherwise, I feel like I have to entertain it! Ha!

Finally, the reason that I posted: I was thinking, what if I could open my own business. I've always wanted to. But, yes, I did give up on it. At least on the hope that it could happen anytime soon. But I could do it. Just go for it. I don't want to get my hopes up yet because I wouldn't want to feel the letdown, but maybe a glimmer of hope has emerged. Hope that things will be as I had planned afterall. That life is not so bitter cold as it seems. And maybe I'll see that going to college and working hard wasn't a waste of time afterall.